Sunday, November 8, 2009

Joshi Digest: September 23-October 18, 2009

I've caught up on the joshi S-Arena reports from Samurai TV that has been posting.  Hopefully he'll keep it up.  He has also posted some complete shows (current and ones from a few years back) that I'll try to review.  Eventually I'll post the S-Arena reports from earlier this year that another Youtuber did for a while before he stopped, and maybe some of my other joshi Youtube reviews from the Driverettes at DVDVR.

NEO "High Touch" Itabashi Green Hall, 9/23/2009

Yoshiko Tamura vs Tsukasa Fujimoto: Fujimoto is a pretty young woman who was in "Three Count", a Japanese movie that took idol girls and trained them in puroresu. The trainers were Kyoko Inoue, Sakura Emi, and Tamura. Fujimoto stayed in wrestling with Ice Ribbon, and this is sort of a master vs student match. [\sarcasm] Tamura, of course, is known for her patience in carrying inexperienced young wresters through matches and selling for them. [\end sarcasm] Fujimoto sort of does an enzuigiri, and Tamura sort of sells for it. I think Tamura's gladiator skirt is paying homage to Hector "Macho" Camacho, or maybe Vinny Pazienza. A rolling senton from the top rope secures the obvious Tamura victory.

Referee Megumi Grace Asano's Last Match: The main event is in homage to NEO & DDT ref Asano, who is retiring. We have Etsuko Mita, Tanny Mouse, and Yuki Miyazaki vs Kyoko Inoue, Toshie Uematsu, and Sachie Abe. I think Mita's gonna be more NEO Machine Gunz than LCO today. Big Momma Inoue in garish tight fringed spandex better never come to America and shop at Walmart, or she'll be the next Walmartian immortalized at This is very standard NEO comedy stuff. Etsu does a blazing chop to Big Momma's ample chest, while Tanny pokes her fingers up Sachie's butt. Oh, then Tanny does it to Mita too. Hahahaha. Try doing that to Akira Hokuto, Tanny. Oh, you are scared of Hokuto, almost as much as KenSKEE is. I understand. They decide to involve Asano as a wrestler, not just a ref. Asano does a diving crossbody from the top rope to the outside, and a halfway decent one at that. Maybe she should be the next NEO rookie. Miyazaki makes Toshie tap out. Everyone cries and claps for Grace.

Passion Red "3 PASSION" Itabashi Green Hall, 9/23/2009

Natsuki*Taiyo & Super Shisa vs Emi Sakura & Ikuto Hidaka: Some nice spot-fest inter-gender tag action. Oops, Hidaka superkicks Emi in the face. That sets up Natsuki for the Taiyo*Chan bomb and that is that.

Passion Red Audition Match: Nanae is bringing 2 more wrestlers into the fold, and we have four contenders: Io Shirai, Toshie Uemastu (who hated Passion Red at the last show, but we all forgot that), Ray (with a new bodysuit and mask that covers her entire head that I'm not digging), and Yumiko Hotta. Hotta seems to be suffering from hot flashes or a mid-life crisis or something. Her new gimmick seems to be the old person trying way too hard to be cool with the youngsters. A Tiger Driver from Hotta leads to a Moonsault from Ray and that's all for Io. She likes purple better, anyway. Then Hotta has Toshie in position for a Superplex, Ray kicks them, and Toshie falls off the top rope, and over the top rope seems to be valid here for a fall, so Nanae presents "Passion Ray" and "Passion Hottei". Lovely.

Kana vs Takako Inoue: Kana is one of the best and one of the stiffest young workers in joshi. Takako doesn't seem too interested in working at Kana's preferred level of stiffness, so these clips seem to indicate a pretty disappointing match. Then Takako wins, because she's way way way too big a star to possibly lose a match. The "Beauty Fist" is the finisher; it's a really lame uraken. Takako is very cougarish in her daisy dukes, though.

Chairman Matsunaga Mourning Talk Show: This is a chance for Nanae and her old friends from the "Kiss No Sekai" days (Momoe Nakanishi, Kayo Noumi, Miho Wakizawa) to be all nostalgic. Hell, they even invited Kumiko Maekawa. Momoe's impossibly cute older daughter is there and watches Mom do a Momoracci. I hope she understands she shouldn't try this on her baby sister, but the pictures of Momoe and girls from the photo thread seem to show that Momoe has a different standard for what is safe for toddlers than most of us.

Nanae Takahashi, Natsuki*Taiyo, & Kana vs Azumi Hyuga, Tsubasa Kuragaki, & Sachie Abe: Passion Red seems to be shifting focus from NEO to a feud with JWP for the time being. You may remember a decent little feud between Nanae and JWP during the SUN days. Hyuga gives the knee of death to the back of Nanae's head. Meiko Satomura wishes she could have taken that to the back of the head, as well. Kana saves Nanae from the Michinoku Driver II. Nanae catches Hyuga on an aerial manuever and gets her own driver for a near fall. Sachie Abe tries her luck. She meets Kana's ass. It turns into chaos, with everyone in the ring hitting MOVEZ. Abe thinks she has a pin after a headscissors, but ends up eating the Nanaracka and Passion Red wins. Nanae and Hyuga at first shake hands, then slap each other. JWP, and Sachie in particular, seem to dislike Passion Red. It's way too much like that sickeningly sweet "Kiss No Sekai" crap for their taste. Plus these bitches hang out with Yumiko Hotta!

Press Conference for JWP "SUPER PREMIUM", upcoming on 10/04/09, Korakuen Hall

Yoshiko Tamura vs Azumi Hyuga: These two met in a broadway in late 2006 that would have created a joshi triple crown of singles titles. They will finally have a rematch before Hyuga's retirement, with nothing but pride on the line.

Passion Red vs JWP: Nanae has a silly little lottery to decide which 3 members of Passion Red will face Sachie Abe, KAZUKI, and Tojuki Leon. The winners are Nanae, Kana, and "Passion Hottei". Command Bolshoi blows a gasket, as this is obviously Hotta, who lost to Bolshoi earlier this year and was banished from JWP. But Bolshoi, this isn't the nasty evil Yumiko Hotta who kicks clowns really hard and tried to steal your promotion from you. This is the cool fun-loving "Passion Hottei", who is the president of the Passion Red fan club and is a perky little girl! It seems "Hottei" will be allowed to compete.

Kayoko Haruyama vs Kaori Yoneyama: They are competing for Kayoko's JWP Openweight championship that she's held since April 2008. Yoneyama shows up with FOUR title belts (JWP tag, Daily Sports tag, Ice Ribbon tag, NEO High Speed) wrapped around her and is all SPAZZY and stuff. Haruyama laughs at the jobber belts.

JWP "SUPER PREMIUM" Korakuen Hall 10/4/2009

Azumi Hyuga vs Yoshiko Tamura: This is Hyuga's 15th Anniversary match and a rematch of their great broadway match from 2006 that would have created a joshi triple crown. Tamura seems to have faux-fur all over her outfit. At least, I hope it's faux-fur or the Japanese PETA will get her! They aren't going 60 minutes today, so Hyuga gets in a series of suplexes and Tamura does her facewash with her knees. A crazy suplex on the ring apron. This is gonna turn into a true joshi action junkie finisher duel match. Tamura uses a Michinoku Driver II on Hyuga, who is usually on the other end. Finally Tamura lands her new Mount Cook maneuver, which starts off in the Alabama Slam position that turns into a twisting piledrive thing and no one kicks out of this.

Command Bolshoi & GAMI vs Jaguar Yokota & Tsubasa Kuragaki: This is Bolshoi's 20th anniversary and is sort of the light match between Tamura/Hyuga and Haruyama/Yoneyama. Oh lookie, GAMI is walking the ropes. Bolshoi walks the ropes backwards. GAMI hits Jags with her megaphone. How disrespectful! Bolshoi gets a happy anniversary, hitting the twisting huricanrana "Limelight" on Kuragaki for the win.

JWP Openweight Championship, Kayoko Haruyama © vs Kaori Yoneyama: This is Yoneyama's 10th anniversary and she's rocking the PocaHAWTness outfit and FOUR title belts. Kayoko is a big beatiful wrestler in orange and black with just one important title. Kaori is full of fire and fury, while Haruyama is poised. No idiocy from the balcony tonight, but lots of athletic moves in and out of the ring, as Yone is EN FUEGO. Yone survives several moves, including an avalanche-style guillotine drop, before a low-level lariat and the KEENE HAMMUH gives Haruyama a record 7th straight defense of the JWP crown. Yoneyama is bawling her eyes out and screaming uncontrollably "BARI BARI BARI BARI BARI BARI" at Haruyama after the match as she cannot seem to accept her jobber fate. I thought J.H. was the only one who blubbered this much after joshi matches. This could be the joshi show of the year, as the clips seem to indicate 2 JMOTY candidates.


Shu Shibutani & Kana vs Moeka Haruhi & Fuuka: Yeah, Shu is 30 and Moeka is 25! I'd card them if I still waited tables and they ordered a white zinfandel or a shot of tequila from me. Moeka is wearing ridiculous furry gloves and rabbit ear-like things. I don't pretend to understand Japanese haute couture. Shu likes sentons. Kana uses her usual butt and kick based offense on Moeka. Moeka gets her ass kicked, as usual. Kana and Fuuka do about a minute's worth of a Queen Bee match. A diving senton from Shu onto Moeka ends it. Then
the usual shove the cake in the face routine.

Dump Matsumoto & "Hydra" vs Jaguar Yokota & Noriyo Tateno: Someone at Samurai thought it would be funny to clip out all the good stuff and just leave in the bad parts of this match. Oh wait, this was the good stuff? Go get Scott Keith's negative snowflake hot pokers and insert in anus. Since Dump's partner-in-crime Sasori (i.e. AJW jobber Miyuki Fujii) retired, she has some random indy dude in a monster mask to do her bumping. Dump is getting ever-closer to Abby the Butcher status, although she can still get in the ring. Dump uses the trash bin on Yokota. Noriyo uses it on Dump. Since Tateno isn't quite suffering from dementia yet, she knows that Dump intends to beat her elderly Jumping not very high Bomb Angel ass with her kendo stick. Noriyo gets a bodyslam on Dump; well, sort of like Hogan's bodyslam of Andre the Giant. Hydra does the worst mist job I've ever seen on Noriyo. Finally, Jags gets a roll-up on Dump to end this shit .NO ONE, I mean NO ONE gets to pin Cougar Yokota. Then Yumiko Hotta shows up to call out Dump, and it's not even semi-funny Passion Red goofus Hotta, it's tired old mean bitch Hotta. Yawn. I think Hotta called Dump an old woman. That's like joshi fans calling each other perverted creeps in an online forum flame war.

NEO "TAKE ACTION" Shin-Kiba 1st Ring 10/10/2009

NEO Tag Team Championship, Kyoko Inoue & Hiroyo Matsumoto © vs Nanae Takahashi & Kana: Hiroyo and Kyoko had Kana & Nanae in Argentine backbreakers. Hiroyo did her usual drop to a stomach buster on Kana. Then Kyoko tried to thr0w Nanae down on Kana, but Big Momma launched her too far and Nanae came down on Hiroyo's ankle. She immediately cried up and grabbed her leg. She rolled to the outside and they taped her up, as she came back later to finish the match. Eventually Big Momma had to eat a lariat from Nanae and Passion Red win the titles! I'm hopeful it's not too serious of an injury to Hiroyo.

Etsuko Mita & Mima Shimoda vs Tanny Mouse & Yuki Miyazaki: Las Cachorrus Orientales vs NEO Machine Gunz had some fun spots, as it was part hardcore, part comedy. Tanny had defeated Etsu in a house show match a few nights prior, so Mita insisted on a hardcore match. Tanny and Yuki were trying to act like they were the LCO, which led to Etsuko & Mima mocking the NEO Machine Gunz "hug each other" spot. They also paid homage to the Tupelo Concession Stand brawls, as they ended up in the lobby of Shin-Kiba 1st Ring throwing rubberized trash cans at each other. Too bad there wasn't a big jar of wasabi to pour down Tanny's throat. Tanny set up Etsuko on one of those special unbreakable Japanese tables and then did a spot off the top of a vending machine that's sure to live in joshi lore like past spots from the tops of cages or from the balcony of Korakuen. They eventually got back to the ring, Tanny & Yuki did a cut-rate version of the guardrail spot, Tanny bled a lot, did her moves, and then ate Death Valley Bombs.

RINGSTARS SPECIAL Shinjuku FACE 10/11/2009

This special show is put on by RINGSTARS magazine (sort of the current version of Ladies Gong) and features mostly younger workers. Sonoko Kato & Mio Shirai vs Chikayo Nagashima & Io Shirai: Holy mixed up tag teams! Look, Robin, those kinda trashy kinda hot Shirai sisters are fighting each other! Hey, the Shirai girls are good enough to do a GAEA midcard tag now! Lots of Mio & Io working out childhood issues in the middle of Shinjuku FACE. Sonoko and Mio like to kick girls in the face! Mio uses the Purple Flash (a Shining Wizard variant) to beat her more hyped little sis Io.

Azumi Hyuga vs Ayumi Kurihara: Now we are getting somewhere, a main event with an awesome vet and one of the most promising young wrestlers on the scene. Ayumi gets Hyuga in a Romero Special, but then Hyuga falls on her for a near fall. Hyuga then teaches Ayumi how to do the surfboard right, followed by unleashing the arsenal on Ayumi, with lariats, knees, suplexes, etc. Ayumi's crazy enough to do the fall-away missile kick from the top rope to the floor. Ayumi has some O to show, with her Uranage. Finally Hyuga kills Ayumi with a fierce Michinoku Driver II. Good stuff. I hope a full version of this show becomes available, as this could be one of the top joshi matches of the year.


Mayumi Ozaki vs Mizuki Endo: Endo visited Kandori & Harley's barber. Either she's not gonna do Eiger anymore or we have gonna have a butchier undead ghost witch. This match was total crap. Ozaki does a half-assed routine with her chain and some lame chairshots. Endo does nothing worth mentioning before Ozaki wins with a cradle. Really?

Senator Shinobu Kandori & Toshie Uematsu vs Etsuko Mita & Mima Shimoda: Mita can see the light at the end of the tunnel, so she's going as LCO as her body will allow for three more weeks. There's a reason Mima isn't as broken down as Etsu; it has a lot to do with treating these B.S. midcard tags as B.S. midcard tags. Mima and Kandori do faux garbage wrestling. Etsu gives Kandori's bosoms a Blazing Chop. Mima mocks Kandori's palm striking hand jive routine, then gets struck. ohtani's jacket says that Kandori is a joke of a politician, but he's wrong. She uses Uematsu to do most of the work while she takes all of the credit. That sounds like a real politician to me. Oh, since the LCO need to win tonight, Scooter Libby Uematsu takes the Death Lake Driver for Dick Cheney Kandori.

Harley Saito & Dynamite Kansai vs Noriyo Tateno & Azumi Hyuga: Another retirement road match, so one of these old fat broads is finally retiring! Oh shit, it's HYUGA that's retiring. She's still under 40 and good. Dammit! This match isn't as rotten as Ozaki/Endo, but it's pretty pedestrian stuff. Some broken up finishers before Harley gets a Schoolboy on Tateno. I haven't seen so many lame finishers since the 1984 AJW Rookie Tournament! At least Dynamite is having better luck with NutriSystem or Jenny Craig then Chigusa Nagayo ever had.Senator Kandori then saves all of the typhoon victims and accepts the Nobel Peace Prize. Oh, there's a Sayuri Okino sighting during the final ceremony. I'm still waiting for SUCCUBUS (Okino w/the new butch Eiger) vs SPUNKY SPAZZY SENDAI SISTERS PART DEUX!

ICE RIBBON Kitazawa Town Hall 10/12/2009

Kaori Yoneyama vs Kazumi Shimouma: Shimouma is one of Ice Ribbon's oldest and relatively capable wrestlers, but Kaori's not going to be losing today. Shimouma gets in a bit of offense before a diving senton secures Yone-hawt-ness a victory.

ICEx60 Championship: Makoto © vs Emi Sakura: The Ice Ribbon singles championship has a 60 kg weight limit and was won recently by Makoto over veteran Kiyoko Ichiki, as the tall gangly one has come a long way from being too scared to go in the ring. If the last Emi Sakura match you watched was a year or two ago, you wouldn't think she would qualify, but after intensive dieting, Emi has weighed in at 59.6 kg and wishes to tie Yoneyama with 4 relatively meaningless title belts. Makoto has a robe and Etsuko Mita in her corner. Makoto should feel insulted, as Emi doesn't do her "I scared to death, I want to puke" routine that she does against Nanae Takahashi or Yoshiko Tamura. Makoto does a bunch of splashes, but those don't hurt when you weigh 82 pounds. Makoto gets some near falls with a German suplex and her feeble kicks. Makoto tries a backslide, but gets rolled up into a La Magistral for the title shot. Emi is happy that her diet worked and Makoto is devastated. Mita looks pretty fucking annoyed with Emi's little ego trip.

NEO "CHECK MATE" Kitazawa Town Hall 10/12/2009

Etsuko Mita vs Kayoko Haruyama: They finish the business from Korakuen Hall, when the match was stopped after Mita's suicide dive resulted in a clash of heads, a bad cut, and a concussion for Mita. Mita does a piledriver on the walkway and takes a chair to do some business on Haruyama. Mita reprises her suicide dive through the ropes, but decides to not lead with her head and crack melons this time. DASH Chisako is a dedicated little ring girl and gets knocked over. Meiko's little runts like to make sure the fans don't get hurt. Various lariats lead to the KEENE HAMMUH and Kayoko wins, then bawls like a baby as they share a post-match hug.

Makoto confronts Mita as she is leaving the ring and asks to be the opponent for Mita's last singles match. Mita refuses. Makoto gets on her knees and bows and begs. Mita is unmoved. Makoto figures out that this submissive wimpy behavior isn't the ticket, and gets up and smacks Etsuko in the face. Mita grabs Makoto by the shirt and I fear for the skinny awkward girl's life, but Makoto smacks Mita again. Mita likes this and grants Makoto the honor of her final singles match on November 1.

Azumi Hyuga & Yoshiko Tamura vs Tanny Mouse & Yuki Miyazaki: Tanny and Yuki decide that Azumi would enjoy participating in the usual stupid NEO Machine Gunz slapstick routine. Yuki makes fun of Hyuga's mole. We get the "Super Shy" or "Sexy Tank Stretch", which if I explained further might get the thread closed due to creepiness. Things are really strange today, as Tanny ends up pinning Tamura for a rare win. Everyone seems to have enjoyed the comedy main event.

JWP "AUTUMN STAR" Kitasenju Theater 1010 10/18/2009 

Highlights from a set of two shows from the same day.

Kaori Yoneyama & Misaki Ohata vs Command Bolshoi & Ryo Mizunami: Ibuki's Misaki Ohata is your JWP Junior/P.O.P. champion and this match is mainly about setting up a future title defense with Sendai's Ryo Mizunami. Miz does a so-so spear on Ohata, which leads to a Bolshoi-style 619, an Uranage from Miz, and a near fall. Yoneyama's dropkick leads to an Ohata bodypress & scream, a near fall, and then Ohata uses the "Hanamaru Dokkan", learned from Saki Maemura and is a Fisherman's Buster variant for the win. Strangely, the Sendai Girls like to ask for title shots after losing matches and it is granted, for Sendai's December show that will also have Satomura vs Hyuga.

Kayoko Haruyama, Tojuki Leon & Sachie Abe vs Nanae Takahashi, Natsuki*Taiyo, and "Passion Hottei": Another installment of JWP vs Passion Red. Hotta has a red outfit now. Sachie Abe thinks Passion Red is ridiculous and gets to serve as Nanae's punching bag for a while. After some help from the JWP crew, Sachie gets a head-scissors takedown and a nearfall on Nanae. Nanae and "Hottei" aid Natsuki in a diving body press on Leon. Natsuki follows up with a Moonsault and then tries to set up Leon for the Taiyo-Chan Bomb, but Leon gets out. Hotta tries to help out, but accidentally gives a palm strike to Natsuki and then hilariously yells out and grabs her head, saying "I'm so stupid" or similar. Leon takes advantage and gets the win over Taiyo with a captured buster. Sachie is PMSing out on Passion Red and gets in Nanae's grill. I think Sachie thinks she should get a title shot instead of Nanae, but instead I think we are getting Abe vs "Hottei" in the future.

Etsuko Mita & Mima Shimoda vs KAZUKI & Sachie Abe: Abe is back in WANTED? mode, as the LCO pay JWP a visit on Mita's retirement road. Some watered-down LCO offense before Mima pins Sachie with the Death Lake Driver.

Azumi Hyuga & Ran Yu-Yu vs Kayoko Haruyama & Tsubasa Kuragaki: Hyuga teams with the other golden girl of JWP's class of 1995 to take on BARI BARI SAIKYO #1. Kayoko's in tag team blue rather than looking like a giant pumpkin in orange & black. Azumi & Ran doubleteam the big beautiful wrestling champion of JWP. Hyuga misses with the eye-socket crushing knee but Kayoko doesn't miss the guillotine drop. Kuragaki's turn to get double teamed by Hyuga and Yu-Yu. Kayoko saves Tsubasa after a Michinoku Driver II from Hyuga. Tsubasa crushes Hyuga with a lariat, gets a near fall, and finally gets the big win over Azumi with the Metal Wing. Hyuga's doing a decent job putting over JWP's talent on her way out.

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