Monday, November 2, 2009

Joshi Digest: November 1, 2009

NEO “STAND OUT” 11/1/2009 Korakuen Hall

This is Etsuko Mita’s retirement show after her 22 year career.

Etsuko Mita vs Makoto: Mita’s last singles is against her skinny young follower from Ice Ribbon. Mita’s been pulling Makoto from being a cowardly comedy joke to one of the more surprisingly decent wrestlers on the scene. Etsu’s in blue and white and just gets buried in streamers. Makoto’s kicks aren’t as feeble as they used to be and she gets a suplex on the big woman. Then Makoto gives Mita some of her trademark Blazing Chops. Bad move, dear, as Mita chops the shit out of Makoto’s bosomly region to the point that her boobies are probably as purple as her outfit. Mita about kills the poor thing with a Brainbuster and then it’s Original Death Valley Bomb time for the win.

Etsuko Mita & Mima Shimoda vs Kyoko Inoue & Nanae Takahashi. Mita’s final match is with Mima, as the Los Cachorrus Orientales face NEO’s Big Momma and Passion Nanae. Mita stiffs Nanae with the yellow chair. Nanae blades and the LCO rough her up. One last Tope Suicida. Mita DVB’s Kyoko and Nanae barely breaks up the pin, leading to Mita busting the pink chair on Nanae’s head. Mita sets up Inoue for the final DVB, but Kyoko gets in a meaty LARIAT-O and the Niagara Driver.

Retirement Ceremony: A who’s who of the industry past and present. Mima’s bawling her eyes out. Makoto gives Mita a giant pinky fuzzy heart. What a weirdo! Nanae, Momoe, and Momoe’s impossibly cute girl give flowers. Shimoda comes with flowers and then “Oro De Lay” comes on. It’s AKIRA FUCKING HOKUTO. She's hasn't made a joshi appearance since her retirement in 2002. Mita and Shimoda might be worried that Akira has come to slap the shit out of them again, but Hokuto’s in a good mood today. Mita chokes back the tears while thanking Shimoda and the fans, then the final ten count.

WAVE “GAMI LIBRE 5” 11/1/2009 Shinjuku FACE

This show was GAMI’s 20th anniversary, and featured a card that started with WAVE and went through The Woman, AtoZ, ARSION, LLPW, to a JWP Class of 1989 main event.

GAMI, Yasha Kurenai, & Mizuki Endo vs Command Bolshoi, Hikari Fukuoka, & Sumiko Saito: Bolshoi beats GAMI in like a minute. GAMI gets pissed off with Bolshoi, as Yasha, Hikari, and Sumiko all came out of retirement and didn’t even get to wrestle. They restart. Hikari looks amazing for being away for 10 years. She’s thinner and has short light brown hair now, so she looks more like Momoe Nakanishi than Manami Toyota now. It must be the Japanese soccer mom look. Hikari hits a nice handspring elbow, and tries a freaking moonsault, but GAMI puts up her legs. Bolshoi grabs GAMI by the ear and says “WTF is wrong with you?”, and then Hikari hits a FUCKING MOONSAULT FOOTSTOMP-O on GAMI for the fall. Yasha shamelessly celebrates with Fukuoka despite being on the other team. Now GAMI’s really hacked off, as she’s now dropped a fall at her memorial show to some housewife who hasn’t worked since 1999. GAMI gets one last restart and saves some face with La GAMIstral on Bolshoi. Then GAMI drinks beer backstage to help keep her girlish figure. Hikari, Yasha, and Sumiko pretend to drink theirs, but they are all on the MILF Nakano diet, not the Inoue/Ito diet.

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